An honest account of a church-planter who came to the end of herself and why it was just what she needed
Pulling my mask aside to sip my coffee, and thankful that the people around me in my local coffee house didn’t know English, I poured out my heart down the phone to a mentor and dear sister in the UK.
Raising 3 small kids, caring for an elderly mother in a host nation during a pandemic.
She just listened to it all as I rambled on and on spilling out my feelings. And she then replied. ‘Wow that’s a lot’. Was it? I thought. Yes I suppose it was.
The tears came as I told her that every night when I got into bed I felt like I wasn’t enough. That when I woke up each morning I faced the day ahead of me feeling overwhelmed. ‘I just can’t do it anymore,’ I sobbed.
She then gently reminded that, no I couldn’t.
Because I am a weak human being. And He is God Almighty.
2 Corinthians 12:8-10 The Message:
My grace is enough; it’s all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
When had I stopped living in His grace everyday? I used to have a strong habit of meditating in His love every morning. It made ALL the difference. (Try it. Before your feet hit the floor in the morning close your eyes and imagine Jesus filling your love tank right up. It could be with a hug, a conversation, his affirmation of you as a son or a daughter).
I started to remember that I’m his daughter, not his slave.
I then started to THANK God for my weakness. Yay for my humanity. What a relief I can’t do it all. Praise you God for letting me come to the end of myself.
You love me so much you allowed me to fail, to be weak so I would come back to the most secure and comforting place…
Your grace and endless obsessive love for me.
1 John 3:1, NIV: “See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!
I then imitated Paul who ‘quit focussing on the handicap’. I took my eyes off my trials. I stopped just looking at my circumstances and ‘started appreciating the gift’ of them. I did this by thanking and adoring God when I felt overwhelmed.
Thank you God that my kid is the only believing kid in his primary school and I get to cheer him on even though I don’t know what’s going on half the time. It makes me the recipient of so much kindness and help from the other school mums.
Thank you God even though my toddler does.not.stop, he is healthy and happy.
Thank you that even though I can’t leave my flat without the entire neighbourhood seeming to learn my business, that you have planted my family on this street for your divine purposes, and my dear neighbours are your precious treasure.
I adore you God for not allowing me to ‘succeed’ with all I am doing for you. How devastating it would be to be so arrogant to think I was strong enough to do it all and miss out on your grace.
I adore you God for just taking over. As I fall asleep on my bed at night and you ‘sing over me’ (Psalm 42:8) and as I rise in the morning and remember your faithfulness’. (Psalm 9:2)
Thank you God that as I get even weaker, as a child of God, I am getting stronger in you. And that, my kind Lord is what you wanted for me all along.
This last year has been exceptionally hard for many for both those in home nations and serving overseas.
Thanks for letting me share my heart with you. I hope you’re reminded that, like me, if you feel if you ‘can’t do it anymore’ then you’re right. You can’t. But He can and if you let him take over, He will glorified and you’ll be strengthened.
-What areas do you struggle to admit you’re weak?
-What would it look like for you to walk every day in His grace instead of striving like I was?
-How has God allowed you a ‘handicap’ in your life so he could be glorified?
I’d love to hear your comments.
Also just like to shout out this book transformed my walk with Jesus : Adore by Sarah Haggerty.